Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a leaky tire.

A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

Things the movies taught you:
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.

A man's reach should exceed his grasp.
- Robert Browning

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If you aren't filled with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm
- Vince Lombardi

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education
- Mark Twain

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
- Jules Renard

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind
- Mahatma Gandhi

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

It's easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841

All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss.
- Douglas Adams

8 Assorted: Short but Sweet
8 short jokes (in length, not actual short jokes) we thought were worth showing. View

Things to do at a Funeral
For days that you have taken a double dose of your prick pills - 30 ways to be offensive at a funeral View

How to Annoy People
The title says it all. We have 111 different ways to annoy people, police officers, roommates, and examiners View

How is Your Eyesight?
Take this quick eye-exam and see how fast you can see the mystery message. View

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